Being followed

Stalkers have always featured somewhere in the story of my life. When I talk about these things, people either think I'm blowing things out of proportion or they think that I invited it.
I wonder why it is that people are so insensitive or blind to stalking. It is a form of violence against women, and victims don't usually get support until something terrible happens.


Chapter 1
The first one was the apprentice to a well-known Jamaican sculptor/painter who was a friend of my family's. Apparently, my "uncle" was sent copies of my school photo when I graduated 5th form. I was only 16, and I remember gettting a phonecall from some mumbling, drooling cretin who said that looking at my photo gave him an erection. Would I be kind enough to visit his house so that he could deflower me? He loved me, he said. I was still a virgin, and was not at all interested in boys, so that was out of the question. He followed me everywhere, even to the mall. When I ignored him, he would shout "SG, yuh look like yuh have HIV, how yuh so mawga?".

Not long after that phonecall, I was on my way home one afternoon. My stalker put out his hand to grab my breast. Luckily, I have small breasts, so he had to search for where to grope. As he stretched out his hand, he said "SG, let me feel your goodness". I evaded him and continued on home.

Two years later, he turned up at my house, and told me that he had been watching me for days. I ran inside, crying, and called my uncle to complain. Why did I call my uncle? My mother thought it was "cool" that guys were being attentive. I let her know that I felt uncomfortable with that kind of attention and she said "why don't you stand up to him, you can't let some boy come to your house and frighten you". Huh? Wasn't my mother supposed to be my defender?

Shortly after that, my boyfriend and I were sitting in the food court at the Sovereign Centre enjoying the Roti Bazaar's curry nan before a movie. My stalker stood on the second floor, in front of Sophia Max Brown's shop (or was it Rejuvination?) and shouted something at me. For the life of me, I can't remember what he said. My boyfriend sat there, saying nothing.


Chapter 2
The second was the boyfriend from chapter one. He was my first boyfriend. Since I was a virgin when we met, he was obsessed with keeping me "loyal" to him, and he was extremely possessive. One year after the Sovereign Centre incident, we broke up because he punched me in the face after I received a phonecall from one of my male colleagues at work. He knew who it was because we were in my living room, and he grabbed my home telephone when it rang, to find out who it was. I asked him to leave and that's when the battering started.

He couldn't understand why I couldn't see him anymore.

He followed me around for a year, and every night, he would throw rocks at my bedroom window, which was on the second floor of my house. My gates had to be locked, so he couldn't get in, and at one point I remember being escorted home by three burly policemen with shotguns. They had spoken to him about his behaviour, but that only made matters worse. I had the police station on speed dial, and they would get to my house within 3 minutes if I called. He watched my house every day during that time, followed me to UWI campus, and started a fight with my boyfriend over our new relationship.

He also called my office and spoke with the manager to tell her about all the sexual things we did, and how he had been so supportive and kind to me. He did the same thing with my guardians, telling them that I had fucked him on the living room floor, in the kitchen, and even in the washroom. They didn't believe him, and they laughed when he told them that I had been pregnant by him. Twice.

It stopped after I visited his mother and had a talk with her. She told me that he had 2.5 children and had set up house in Stony Hill with the mother of his children. That's odd. He was supposed to be seeing me exclusively, so why would he get angry about cheating if he was doing that? If he had 2.5 children, it meant that he had to have been screwing that woman while we were "dating". So much for naivite.


Chapter 3
The third one I encountered a few years ago. It might have started when some strange guy comes up to me and says, "I want to take nude pictures of you. I'll pay you $ 2000 for each shot." I shrugged and said no, and walked back home, thinking that he was just another porno video producer who was scouting for new talent. Whatever.

I thought nothing of the incident until a few days later when he called my house. He said he had seen nude photos of me on the web, and would show them to my male colleagues if I didn't let him into my apartment. He said he wanted sex, and that he was standing just outside my apartment.

I decided to ask him how he came to be obsessed with me. He told me that he had been parked at my fitness club two weeks before and noticed that I was working out there. He then returned every evening at the same time to see if I would go back. When he realised where I lived, he followed me to my office one morning.

I'm not sure why I continued to talk with him, but I thought that if I treated him like a beast, he would feel that he had power over me. So, I figured that if I satisfied his curiousity to some degree, he would not be so intensely obsessed. I found out that he was an unmarried truck driver in his late 30s. He just wanted to get to know me. He was sterile and couldn't have children, so he was not "marriage material". He still lived with his mother.

Then it was time for him to hang up.

I called my boyfriend, who was out of town, right after that incident. He responded two days later to let me know that he didn't respond sooner because he thought I had had a fight with a guy I was fucking behind his back. That was the end of our relationship. He reminded me of my first boyfriend and the first stalker.

The next afternoon, I told the police everything that happened, and I told them that I talked to him because I wanted to control the situation. For better or worse, I had the same "rights" as an extraterrestrial. I gave them the tape from my answering machine, they started an investigation.

The day after that, my stalker left a new message on my answering machine saying that he was sorry for being an asshole and that he wanted to make things right. To be friends. I don't know if he came back to visit because I had already moved into a friend's apartment.


The end

Cyberculture

cy·ber·cul·ture Pronunciation (sbr-klchr) n. The culture arising from the use of computer networks, as for communication, entertainment, work, and business.

I've written before that Jamaica doesn't have a cyberculture. It is my belief that within Jamaica's borders, access to information infrastructure will be confined to a specific demographic that can afford to pay the fees charged by Cable and Wireless. Naturally, the voices coming out of Jamaica will be confined to a single social group. This may or may not be a good thing.

Telephony services in Jamaica are expensive for people who earn a relatively low income and who cannot supplement their incomes with remittances from overseas. This is the reality, that Jamaica is not a wealthy nation.

So it's understandable when people who live in Jamaica and can afford to access the internet on a regular basis feel that they have "arrived", for want of a better word. Their relative position to the rest of the population may give them a (distorted) sense of entitlement.

Jamaica's population is estimated at 2,731,832 (July 2005 est.) , and statistics from 2002 say that about 600,000 people there are using the internet.

Take a relative of mine for example. I was enjoying a lazy month outside of my country of residence when she sent me a missive about enjoying vacations. Why? Two months earlier, I had said I was going to do x project in y country. I wasn't sure what her problem was, given that I was a grown woman. But later, I realised that the root of this issue was sibling rivalry. Her sister, who was living in the same house, wasn't helping to pay internet fees and didn't own her own computer. My relative wanted to show that she could quarrel with me even though I was far away.

What do you call it when a person assumes authority and attempts to influence others? The woman with the computer workstation at UWI is the closest I've come to describing that attitude.

But, I'll get to my point.

I'll briefly discuss my understanding of "formal authority in cyberspace". First, Internet architecture is inherently non-centralised, so no single authority 'runs' the Internet. Therefore, there is a sense of "anarchy" that is associated with the internet. This is used in a political sense to signal the absence of direct or coercive authority. I will define the verb coerce as "causing to do through pressure by moral or intellectual means". As a recent example, Tobi coerces users all the time on the Jamaica Star Forum because she is it's moderator.

John Perry Barlow claims that the Internet is inherently a lawless 'electronic frontier' such that existing authority based on nation-states is undermined by the Internet. For me, this means that even cultural authority can be undermined. No one has the "right" to represent a particular culture or to impose one sociocultural perspective on an audience that has no reference point to begin with.

Who has the "right" to represent Jamaican culture? Rather, who has the right to approve or disapprove of what is said about our culture? The way I see it, people in the wide world will make up their own minds about what Jamaica means to them. Most people I know use music to relate to Jamaican culture. They study the lyrics, buy the CDs and go to the concerts. Others use Rastafarianism as their reference points. They read, they discuss their impressions and they ask further questions. These things are not necessarily Jamaican culture, but are rather products of it.

With the vague execption of people who advocate gay rights and ban our singers from visiting their countries, no-one has been appointed regulator of the "message" that is Jamaican culture.

I think that a lot more has to be done so that we can understand the belief systems that give birth to our cultural products.

Finally, an opinion isn't valid just because we agree with it, and we can't exclude an opinion just because it's not what we want to hear.

Every story comes together to give a complete picture, and that's just the way it should be.

My Tropic Escape: Survival of the Most Visible

The article entitled "On my own" is misleading and so is the blurb that "at age 28, armed with loads of innovative ideas and free of the responsibilities associated with children, [Imani Duncan] decided to take the risk and follow her dream."

My Tropic Escape signs off its introduction as:

One Love,
Imani Duncan & Peter Bunting
Co-creators of My Tropic Escape

Innovation is relative, because when you think of it, My Tropic Escape is a tour company. Using adjectives like "luxury" and "adventure" doesn't make it more than what it really is. It's just as silly as calling a flight attendant a "international hospitality consultant", for example. Where is the risk in asking your lover to lend you his support in starting up a business in Jamaica's thriving tourism sector?

I asked myself, is a person truly a wealth creator if the co-creator of her business is her former lover?

Wealth is created through several means.

• Natural resources can be harvested and sold to those who want them.
• Material can be changed into something more valuable through proper application of knowledge, skill, labor and equipment.
• Better/smarter production methods also create additional wealth by allowing faster creation of wealth.
• Ideas create additional wealth by allowing it to be created faster or with new methods.

The last definition in the above list makes me think that it's Peter Bunting who is the wealth creator, and not Imani. Peter might have imagined that it would be profitable to use Imani's ideas as "new methods" of creating additional wealth for himself.

I thought it looked strange when one minute, Imani is lovey-dovey and doing ski trips with Peter and less than a year later, is engaged to be married to Basil Waite. The Jamaica Observer's Tatler blamed Peter for the breakup, and painted him out to be the loser, but that was a hasty judgement. I think that he is an experienced businessman who has made effective use of his left brain.

And I'm saying that the press has made this middle-class girl look more ambitious than she really is. I was proud of her a few years ago when I read about her tireless efforts to get Global Justice off the ground. She was right there when it all began, so I feel that it's an anticlimax when this woman with a master's degree from Harvard University comes back to Jamaica and starts a tour company that's funded by her wealthy ex-boyfriend.

I also question her role as wealth creator because it occurs to me that her Escape Artists (borrowed term) and members of the local communities will have to serve up themselves to receive tourist dollars. How does servitude contribute to wealth? Who is becoming wealthy?

It seems to me that the tourists are the wealthy ones because they can order up anything they like. For a reasonable cost, they can enjoy the holiday of their dreams, hundreds of people bending over backwards so they can really have fun.

One woman (not a Jamaican) told me recently that she had seen an advertisement on TV for the Jamaica Tourist Board. She wanted to know where she would stay during her vacation, since everyone in Jamaica lived in the woods, under the shade of trees, eating only fresh fruit. How would she dry her hair after shampooing in the river? This was a university educated woman was in her late 20's. Anyone who has lived outside of Jamaica for a considerable period of time should have had this stranger-than-fiction experience.

I'm not bothered by Imani's ex-boyfriend's sponsorship. What bothers me about this whole thing is the fact that the press has named her a wealth creator. The term doesn't really have any meaning because none of the people who are cooking cheap lunches or pointing fingers "over there" can get rich doing just that. So, who, I ask again, is getting all this wealth?

What bothers me is that the Observer article has implied that she is a role model for young women who want to strike out on their own. How can Imani truly spread the message of wealth creation in Jamaica when she had a rich boyfriend to begin with? If I were a member of the reading public who was reading this article, I would assume that I am to look to this beautiful, educated woman for mentorship. After finding out that she had help from a special friend, I would think that it is impossible for me to make it on my own. I would then decide to make my ultimate goal in life "finding a rich man" to sponsor my ambitions.

Unfortunately, many women in Jamaica have adopted this mindset. It is one of the side effects of our culture of beauty pageantism. Many talented women enter these contests because they feel that their true goals in life will be otherwise compromised. In Jamaica, if you don't live in the right neighbourhood, or if you weren't born in the right family, you are forced to make up for it with maximum exposure. What better way to do so than to invite yourself to the coming out party of the Jamaican middle class?

The real reason that young women enter beauty pageants is to ensure their own survival. To be invisible, or out of the media spotlight in Jamaica, is a very bad thing, especially when you need a boyfriend with lots of cash.

Stories etched in the snow

Snow tracks tell interesting stories. Whenever I open my front door in the morning, I can tell if somone walked by my house earlier. The large bootprints belong to the men who check every morning to see if there is snow to be removed. The small, delicate tracks with triangular toes belong to a woman who had come to visit me unannounced (I still don't know who it is). I can see the tyre tracks of the the smallor large vehicles that pass by. I've found that my favourite sneakers have carved a New Balance logo in white.

Exactly one year ago, I woke up to find some curious little prints leading from my front door to my car. Earlier, I was told that there were foxes living in the forest in which my house is nestled. I hadn't seen any foxes myself, so I wasn't scared at the idea. In this country, it's illegal to kill, feed or otherwise attempt to tame wild animals.

Since then, they trimmed the trees in the forest, because storms had weakened the trunks of many of the trees over the years. I now have a midi-forest, and I was sad, but I was assured that it was for my own safety and protection.

This morning I woke up and saw some prints under my window. Fox paw prints? Then I noticed that the ice was melting and that the icicles were dripping onto the bed of snow below the eaves of my roof. I traced the the small holes in the snow to the landing that separated my house from the street.

If the prints I saw last year were melted icicles, then what made those indentations that I saw under my car?

Conservative blogging

I got slightly annoyed yesterday when I was reading some "blogging advice" from the web's famous bloggers. Notably, most of them are from the US, a culture with an interesting study in contrasts.

Most talk a good conservative game, but their behaviour doesn't match up. For example, it's not okay to talk about your sex life on your blog, but it's perfectly okay for married men to solicit sexual services online, or for couples to leave copies of Forum or Playboy around the house when they have young kids.

I don't see anyone breathing down their necks. Probably I should make a list for them, to balance accounts.

Okay, so now we have to follow rules about blogging? Not that I intend to become dooced like Heather Armstrong, but there really is no fun in writing about bland topics like what someone said about what someone else said regarding what someone else said about US politics on someone else's news blog.

I went down the entire list of mandates before rolling my eyes. I mean, I don't want to have my hobby writing regulated. That's way too much pressure, to come up with the "right" topics, and then it becomes a job. I have a job, and that is heavily regulated. I have hobbies that are heavily regulated. I just need some chaos to restore the balance, or I'll fucking implode.

Oh, I'm not supposed to use swear words or else it will be a turn-off.

Is it necessary to write to become a famous blogger? There are enough websites for everyone, and there are many famous bloggers, so I think it's perfectly okay for me not to desire that attention. That said, I'm not good at following advice unless I really need it.

Oh, and this whiny post is also on the list of things NOT to do.

Word!!

The trouble with turning left

I live in a left-driving country.

I was fuming the other day because I noticed that some drivers would waste time when turning left. Left turns are textbook, right? Safety checks, indicate, slow down and turn. Multi-tasking.

I notice that a lot of people tend to indicate just as they decide to turn into the parking lot of an establishment such as the mall, supermarket or restaurant. I see the car swerve towards the pavement, to prevent bikers from sneaking past in the open space. Then the brakes go on suddenly, and everyone else has to stop while this person decides when to turn. Imagine going from 60 kph to zero at a moment's notice. Then imagine that you're behind me. What the hell is going on?

This person's stalling may last 5 seconds or less, but when someone fails to do their safety check before turning, it makes everyone else uncertain. Should we pass this person, or wait. Has the car stalled, or will it stop here? These decisions take more time. Going back to 60 kph from a stop also takes a few seconds, but it's okay if you're directly behind the left-turning time waster. What's worse is, you speed up, and then the traffic light goes red. Bleeding buggery hell!!!

It is especially annoying when there are no pedestrians on the pavement, and no cars leaving the parking lot, but this time wasting left turner is stopped at an odd angle in the lane of oncoming traffic. It's a main road people! You aren't the only ones with things to do!

Is it okay to inconvenience others just because we are inefficient?

Maybe they're wasting time, or maybe I'm impatient. Maybe I live in a country with closed-minded people who don't care about the people who they influence with their actions.

Fact is, safety checks should come first so that when you turn left, you can turn decisively and with confidence.

Do what needs to be done: Blogging for a purpose?

I had a nightmare about climbing today. I had a fight with my archenemy (a woman). She was very powerful, and could not be hurt even though I was bashing her neck with a piece of wood. I decided to run away from her and ended up scaling a Greek statue that had been abandoned and run over by weeds. I didn't realise what it was until I found myself hugging its nose, and running my hand over its eyes. The statue was blocking the entrance to one of my favourite temples.

Don't know what the dream means, but I was just talking with a friend of mine about this blogging business, and decided to resurrect a post I had been tweaking for a week.

This is who I am. I thought about a lot of the rants I've posted here, and I realise that many of them were vengeful. Especially November. I was on a roll! I thought about those issues again, and I asked myself, "does my blog have to be squeaky clean?"

Revenge is the act of giving punishment or demanding atonement for a wrong. It is the desire to retaliate against a person or group in response to perceived wrongdoing. Although revenge may superficially resemble the concept of making things equal, revenge usually has a more injurious than constructive goal. It involves the vengeful wish to make the other person experience what one went through or otherwise to suffer severely.

I thought about those definitions, and realise that this was not the unilateral purpose of my rants. I started blogging in August, 2003, when I was being bullied by my boss and I really hated myself. Writing what I felt about other persons didn't make me feel better, and it didn't eradicate my issues either. I guess that bringing them to the surface and re-reading my thoughts made me realise just how insignificant some things are.

Revenge is personal and at times motivated by wounded honor, or anger. The emotional component of seeking revenge often leaves the seeker frustrated, unfulfilled, and angrier still. This may have been true for me but I'm not angry or unfulfilled at the moment. I wrote about that epiphany last month when I had my final dive/climb for 2005. Doesn't mean I will be less caustic, though.

As for my platform, or my agenda, I don't need one. I write what I write.

Wood, water, and missed opportunities

Jamaica is not such a "small" country, when we think of the impact that Jamaican people have had on the world stage. Academia, tourism, literature, music, fashion and sports. Jamaica is a nation with presence.

Unfortunately, though we have a big impact, we are still so small-minded that we missed out on the opportunities that are presented for further growth as a nation. I'm not talking about World Bank handouts. I'm talking about getting people to buy our cultural products. I made reference to this issue when McDonald's pulled out of Jamaica.

Let's take fashion models, for instance. Quite a few of the popular ones are from Jamaica. They model for Bill Blass, Emanuel Ungaro, Gucci and even Victoria's Secret. So, how come we don't have all the designers and press agents come to Jamaica and spend their money here? Yes, we have a Caribbean Fashion week, but that's not the same thing. What's the point of paying highly visible models to appear on the runway just because they're Jamaican? These girls were chosen because they could sell clothes. They fit a certain designer's image. The investment backfires because the model gets rich, and people don't buy the local designer's clothes.

Now, at the risk of sounding like some of the contributors to the Jamaica Star Forum, I would like to add my own twig of thyme to this "Miss Jamaica World Pageant" soup.

Within our culture, I believe there is a syndrome that I'll call "BEAUTY PAGEANTISM".

Beauty Pageantism works like this. Some of the working class people of a post-colonial nation are periodically misdirected from pressing social, political and economic issues by focussing their attention on the mediocre bodies of a few selected women from the local population.

Here's a contrast. Our strength and economic viability as a region will be tested when we host the World Cup of Cricket in 2007. There have been quite a number of difficulties with managing and organising the event, but we keep saying that our girl will win in China. Star Forum Moderator Tobi, for example, was very disappointed that all her trumpetting and coercion has come to zero. Here is what she said after returning from an overseas trip and realising that no-one cared:

folks... no one really cares about Miss World or Jamaicas participation it would seem, I guess everyone just struggling & too busy hustling or trying to stay 'safe'.

Gugu Simelane notes that "beauty pageants are the most eagerly-awaited events of the entertainment year in small countries like Swaziland...because we are poor, we don't have many extravaganzas. These are glamorous functions." No offence to small, poor countries, but is this where we are?

Since I've left Jamaica, I've met many people who have no idea where this country is, or who think that everyone here has dark skin. I explain that if you want to find a Jamaican, you have to listen for the accent or the belly laughs because we're such a diverse culture. For about 2 years, I would show photos of Jamaican women in different contexts to the people who are interested in our culture. Well, the full-bodied women on the post cards, who are washing their clothes by the river, get very good reactions: "hmm...nice!" But, when I show photos of haute couture models and the women who enter our local beauty pageants, I get puzzled looks. "What?! They're cute?!" I felt self-conscious about my audience's lack of enthusiam, so I didn't bother to ask, but I can understand why Tobi felt that people were rather nonchalant about Jamaica's participation.

It seems that as a nation, we cannot feel as if we're on the map unless the majority of 2.3 billion people say that Jamaican women are beautiful and sexy as hell. Can't you see? We're already on the map, and beauty pageants aren't that big a deal. It's just entertainment.

Watch the reaction to beauty pageants in nations with thriving economies. A victory like that would get swallowed up in a few hours.

I don't think it makes sense for us to pin our nation's future on one individual who is only trying to raise her social capital at the expense of our time and attention.

"I see this competition as a way of improving self", says Terri-Karelle Griffith. Peta-Gaye Walker chimes in with, "this will help to improve my social skills, confidence and etiquette. Besides being able to put the Miss Jamaica on my resume, it gives me an opportunity to meet people that I probably wouldn't have the opportunity to meet."

Most young women enter beauty pageants for the same reason that I dive off clifftops: because they want to boost their egos. I don't see a "national pride" agenda here.

Misguided Issues about Bad women

I'm so bored with Jamaican men who pontificate about women who are "loose" and "bad". Yeah, yeah. This is a well-chewed argument by the men in our society who are desperate to control women's sexuality.

I don't believe that a Jamaican man can stay faithful to his wife/girlfriend, physically or emotionally. Jamaican men will swear on their mother's grave that they are monogamous, even while they're caught in the act. If possible, they lie to the other women, to get them in bed or tell them up front that "look, you are going to be my outside woman, zeen?"

One of my close friends says that he's monogamous, yet he is having sex with three women at the same time. He thinks he's monogamous because the sexual encounters are not happening simultaneously. So many stories, so little space.

Tony Robinson is misguided in the belief that he is an expert on "bad girls" and their emotional needs. Men speaking about women's issues and polarising women such that they can't win. Male domination rears it's ignorant head. I can't think of a developed society in which such a concept makes sense. Tony's moniker "Daddy Oh" is befitting of someone who is out of touch with the times. Here is some of what he wrote:

The life of the bad girl isn't what it's cut out to be, as even though they're sought after, desired by men, yearned after, it's not usually for a long-term relationship. But bad girls need love too. The irony is, men will say that they want a bad girl, and they really do, but the usual phrase is, "Hey man, only for a good time, remember, some you settle down with and some you just lick and run". Now that's so sad.

So even though they may look hot and sexy, healthy body and lusty, it's often a sad, lonely life for a bad girl. "I got what you want, you got what I need, I'll be your baby, come and spend it on me, sad girls, bad girls."

Really? I think the so-called bad girl should be the one to discuss her own experiences with the public. She should be the one to talk about her own emotional issues, if she has any.

It's ignorant to insinuate that having a partner in one's life is a good thing. Having a good partner is a good thing, but the concept that "any man will do" is one of the reasons that many Jamaican women are getting shafted in love.

Let's consider women who don't want to have a man encroaching on their physical and emotional space. Does she have a category? Rather, should we place her in category, or is she to be excluded from our society because she does not buy into the male domination dogma? Women have chosen other options for how to live their own lives. To a large extent, sex is now a lifestyle choice, and not an obligation.

Why does a man have to factor in at every turn?

Tony is misguided if he thinks that "long-term relationship" = "woman's happiness". Come on, there is so much a woman can do now to have a fulfilling life. Before, we had to trade our bodies just so we could eat. Having children was our task in life. After that, we were dispensible. We could die, and no-one would write about us. Now we can have choices for personal fulfilment. It is no longer a truism that all little girls want to be someone's wife when they grow up. It is no longer necessary for this to be the goal in a woman's life.

I also disagree with this statement of his:

I spoke to some good girls who were lamenting the fact that they had no men, while others had men but the men seemed bored with them, had lost interest, had no passion for them.

What, now good girls can't be good in bed? Rubbish. Sexual intercourse is not just a physical activity. It's a social skill. It's a marketing tool. Most people even consider it a form of entertainment.

I know of women who've been monogamous and sexually adventurous with their husbands. There are other women who market their sexual attractiveness in local beauty pageants so they can get the edge on finding wealthy husbands. Many Jamaican men pay to get "serviced" at massage parlours every day even though they have wives and girlfriends at home.

The way I see it, a woman who wants to shag a guy she just met because she likes him should go ahead and do it. She isn't trying to get money or status out of the exchange, and she's freely sharing her body. If the man wants it too, it's not fair that the woman alone should receive negative judgement.

When I consider a woman's physiology, it's difficult to think of a vagina as being offensive. It's a very discreetly positioned organ. Unless he's a virgin, Tony should know that it is physiologically impossible for to look at the vagina and penetrate it at the same time. In pornographic film, penetration is the highlight of every scene. Why? It's not something that the man can see when he's having intercourse, so he might watch porn because he's interested in knowing what's happening.

Tony is pontificating about one set of outdated rules while the women he's talking about are playing a completely different game.

More time, Daddy Oh!