VERBATIM: An account of delusion
Background
I met L in winter, 2004 while I was on a special assignment in another country. L asked if we could sit down and have a chat so I said yes and we had dinner. He told me he had a partner, so I let him know that sex was out of the question. A week later, he informed me that it was his decision not to sleep with me.
Soon, he writes me e-mails asking me if I want him to be in my life. That he wants to know where "this" is going. I say..no...it's kind of counterintuitive for me to have a long-distance affair with a man who is attached. I stopped answering his e-mail. Six months later, he writes that it was his decision to stop writing me. Thing is, I don't have the heart to tell this man that I have never been sexually attracted to him.
Next week, I'll be returning to his country on a different assignment. I needed some information so three weeks ago, I contacted him in our professional capacity, with a proposal and deadlines. Very formal. He responds in kind, as a professional.
I'm thinking that everything is fine, and I bumped into him on MSN Messenger last night. The first part of our conversation was business, but all of a sudden the conversation took at twist that shocked the hell out of me. I couldn't believe what he was saying to me. The guy can't even tell the truth to himself.
The conversation
L: my partner has seen emails from you....she has asked many questions about you
SG: your partner reads your e-mails? Talk about an open relationship.
L: well..... this has been a new discovery
SG: so, what have you told her?
L: how we met...generally the pleasure of chat on msn
SG: and how did she respond?
L: like a volcano errupting:@
SG: I see... did you mean for her to find your e-mails?
L: probably..... it was an open book for people to see
SG: this is an interesting development.... so what did you say to her when she erupted? did you tell her that we never had sex?
L: yes, but she doesn't believe it
SG: why should she...
L: exactly
SG: the point is, you have a relationship that you've invested some time and energy in, so I'm assuming you're still living at home
L: hahahahah..... yes… just
SG: she'll forgive you...
L: yes
SG: I'm so happy I don't have those issues waiting at home for me after a busy day
L: yes.... you are better off ..i think she would be blown away to find out that you are Jamaican
SG: she doesn't like black women?
L: not at all… in fact i believe you would both get on very well and that's not male ego talkin...
SG: what's talking?
L: my objective overwiew
SG: are you making this up?
L: no, not at all
SG: if you aren't you're obviously not scared of your girlfriend
L: it is not good to live in fear…in fact i believe we should be more open sexually.... and not fear the consequences… unfortunately humans are frail in general
SG: uh huh? that's easy to say when you're the super-ordinate one in the relationship
L: i was very much in that category in younger years ...so what do you think ??? should i cease communicating with you? should i please my partner?.
SG: I see, so we get around to the point of the discussion... let's say that you should cease communicating with me
L: mmmmm
SG: we've never been in a relationship, so it's unfair to say that it's my problem. I won't incur any losses and you will have shown her, by your virtual indiscretions, who's boss
L: i certainly didn't imply that it was your problem
SG: of course you did…you said that "my e-mails" were found, as opposed to yours
L: well i do apologise..... my terminology was inadequate,
SG: so it's as if I were stalking you …when I only wrote to ask for your assistance as a professional
L: this is my issue totally :D
SG: I'm really sorry that I bothered you
L: please do not apologise
SG: I do apologise...I never actually expected that you would bait me like this
L: i genuinely want to help as a professional
SG: it's a real low blow…I wish you had said something sooner
L: please do not read something into this that is not there..now i feel bad
SG: don't
L: too late!
SG: as I said, you were super-ordinate … you're in control, so you don't need people to tell you what to do with your life
L: I like you a lot Shaggy's Girl...........
SG: please don't say that....it makes me sound pathetic
L: i would like to keep in touch......... but i have laid a rocky path..so i better go for now… at no time had i meant any disrespect...... so i apologise for being a silly man ..
you must hate me now.....
SG: not at all
L: well at least share a coffee with me when you come to town
SG: I don't think I'll do that
L: i respect that......i will be sad not to speak to or see you again
SG: stop being a baby, you're getting what you want
L: true…but i do want my cake and eat it as well…i wish you well SG…Goodnight
L: i am still willing to do things for you, but if i have blown it, so be it
SG: I've already got past this issue
L: yes.... i thought you might have....
I met L in winter, 2004 while I was on a special assignment in another country. L asked if we could sit down and have a chat so I said yes and we had dinner. He told me he had a partner, so I let him know that sex was out of the question. A week later, he informed me that it was his decision not to sleep with me.
Soon, he writes me e-mails asking me if I want him to be in my life. That he wants to know where "this" is going. I say..no...it's kind of counterintuitive for me to have a long-distance affair with a man who is attached. I stopped answering his e-mail. Six months later, he writes that it was his decision to stop writing me. Thing is, I don't have the heart to tell this man that I have never been sexually attracted to him.
Next week, I'll be returning to his country on a different assignment. I needed some information so three weeks ago, I contacted him in our professional capacity, with a proposal and deadlines. Very formal. He responds in kind, as a professional.
I'm thinking that everything is fine, and I bumped into him on MSN Messenger last night. The first part of our conversation was business, but all of a sudden the conversation took at twist that shocked the hell out of me. I couldn't believe what he was saying to me. The guy can't even tell the truth to himself.
The conversation
L: my partner has seen emails from you....she has asked many questions about you
SG: your partner reads your e-mails? Talk about an open relationship.
L: well..... this has been a new discovery
SG: so, what have you told her?
L: how we met...generally the pleasure of chat on msn
SG: and how did she respond?
L: like a volcano errupting:@
SG: I see... did you mean for her to find your e-mails?
L: probably..... it was an open book for people to see
SG: this is an interesting development.... so what did you say to her when she erupted? did you tell her that we never had sex?
L: yes, but she doesn't believe it
SG: why should she...
L: exactly
SG: the point is, you have a relationship that you've invested some time and energy in, so I'm assuming you're still living at home
L: hahahahah..... yes… just
SG: she'll forgive you...
L: yes
SG: I'm so happy I don't have those issues waiting at home for me after a busy day
L: yes.... you are better off ..i think she would be blown away to find out that you are Jamaican
SG: she doesn't like black women?
L: not at all… in fact i believe you would both get on very well and that's not male ego talkin...
SG: what's talking?
L: my objective overwiew
SG: are you making this up?
L: no, not at all
SG: if you aren't you're obviously not scared of your girlfriend
L: it is not good to live in fear…in fact i believe we should be more open sexually.... and not fear the consequences… unfortunately humans are frail in general
SG: uh huh? that's easy to say when you're the super-ordinate one in the relationship
L: i was very much in that category in younger years ...so what do you think ??? should i cease communicating with you? should i please my partner?.
SG: I see, so we get around to the point of the discussion... let's say that you should cease communicating with me
L: mmmmm
SG: we've never been in a relationship, so it's unfair to say that it's my problem. I won't incur any losses and you will have shown her, by your virtual indiscretions, who's boss
L: i certainly didn't imply that it was your problem
SG: of course you did…you said that "my e-mails" were found, as opposed to yours
L: well i do apologise..... my terminology was inadequate,
SG: so it's as if I were stalking you …when I only wrote to ask for your assistance as a professional
L: this is my issue totally :D
SG: I'm really sorry that I bothered you
L: please do not apologise
SG: I do apologise...I never actually expected that you would bait me like this
L: i genuinely want to help as a professional
SG: it's a real low blow…I wish you had said something sooner
L: please do not read something into this that is not there..now i feel bad
SG: don't
L: too late!
SG: as I said, you were super-ordinate … you're in control, so you don't need people to tell you what to do with your life
L: I like you a lot Shaggy's Girl...........
SG: please don't say that....it makes me sound pathetic
L: i would like to keep in touch......... but i have laid a rocky path..so i better go for now… at no time had i meant any disrespect...... so i apologise for being a silly man ..
you must hate me now.....
SG: not at all
L: well at least share a coffee with me when you come to town
SG: I don't think I'll do that
L: i respect that......i will be sad not to speak to or see you again
SG: stop being a baby, you're getting what you want
L: true…but i do want my cake and eat it as well…i wish you well SG…Goodnight
L: i am still willing to do things for you, but if i have blown it, so be it
SG: I've already got past this issue
L: yes.... i thought you might have....
Blogged by Shaggy's girl at 10:28
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