Bad company: Who are your friends?

Tommy Kimpton, a 19-year-old Briton is now on trial for murdering his best friend with a pool cue. He had been teased about being fat and big-eared. He said that his friend was only nice to him when other people were around:

“When we were on our own he was brilliant. He would let me talk about my problems — but as soon as we were in a group he would take the piss and always put me down.”

Tearfully recalling the fatal attack in his bedroom, he told the jury: “I said, ‘Why do you always wind me up?’ He said, ‘We don’t really mean it. I didn’t realise it upset you so much’. ”

But immediately after saying this, his tormentor started laughing.

Bullying is a serious issue, but people don't realise how badly they can hurt others with words. I can identify with Tommy's feelings because the same thing happened to me so often. I'm a loner now, not by choice, but because I feel that people would rather condemn me than try to understand me.

The peer pressure blog entry I made a few days ago was about that. I know two girls and a guy who are so nice to me when we're talking alone, but as soon as they are with a group of people, they would pick on me. My mother used to do that with one of my boyfriends. Another boyfriend used to tease me about how I behaved in bed, just because he knew it would piss me off. He was so stupid because I actually dumped him, and six years later when I decided to give him a chance, he did it again. This time, I talked to him like I would one of my clients and I actually felt sorry for him because I knew he felt bad.

I think I have been teased about every single thing that there is to be teased about. It's NOT okay for people to tease you, or to tell you what's wrong with you.

It's wrong to bully people, so unlike Tommy, who stuck with his friends, I kept these people at a distance, or cut them off completely.

Three to six years ago, I remember how the two girls and the guy used to sit together with some other Jamaican low lifes and say that I was stuck-up, and a snob. One girl tried to sabotage a new relationship of mine because she didn't have a boyfriend at the time.

Six years later, today, the two girls and the guy are all clients of mine, as I'm helping them recover from complete mental and physical breakdown. They left Jamaica to seek me out and saw that there were people who love, respect, and trust me. They were incredulous, maybe thinking that this was all a joke. After all, they know me by my flaws, not my redeeming qualities. And I'm black, and not of mixed race. How did they feel after entering my world? Envy. Jealousy. Instead of moving ahead from that point, we ended up right where we began.

In return for my advice, one of my "clients" let me know that he was sorry for me because I was too ambitious, and that my ambition would destroy me. Shortly afterwards, he came to ask me for a big favour that saved his career. He has since flown over the cuckoo's nest. He declared to me that he is God, and has decided that he is such a genius that only an obeah man can give him meaningful "spiritual advice". My advice means nothing to him because he sees me as a woman who wants to control his mind and body. I don't think his revived career will be of much use to him.

Another one told me I was a failure because I am voluntarily celibate. She is still express-fucking the man who smashed her ribs, broke her nose, screwed her sister and who exposed himself to HIV. Why? It's "too long to wait" to meet a man who will respect her.

I don't want to have anything to do with these tiresome people. They're unkind to me when other people are around, but so endearing when they get in trouble and need my help. The fact is, the nature of my work doesn't allow me to treat people with prejudice.

Sometimes I wish I could punish them for all the pain they put me through. I guess that coming back to me for help is punishment enough.