Spoilt pigs make tastier pork

I found the answer to the question: "What will 2006 bring?"

The answer is: "Moving forward".

I got my wishes for 2005. Two of them relate to my purposes for writing this blog.

The third wish is the one I'll talk about here.

It has to do with the last piece of advice I received before I left Jamaica.

It was the statement that has more or less crippled me for the better part of a decade:

"If I introduced you to the people who played in my bridge club, they would be shocked to hear you speak, as a dark-skinned person. They have no concept that a black person can speak English".

Was this bullshit, or did I spend 20+ years living and studying in Jamaica only to be told that I had just hit my ceiling? Not a day passes when I don't remember this statement, which was meant as a 'compliment'.

I'm not angry with myself anymore for listening to that bigoted gatekeeping asshole. Now I think, "does it matter?" Let him keep it.

Of course, I've screamed at quite a few people on this blog on the way to drawing that conclusion.

I thought that it would be useless writing about perceived injustices in our society because writing wouldn't help them to repair. I've seen some of the subtle changes, though. The changes were made in my mind, in a perspective I never thought I would have ever achieved.

I've seen childhood heroes crash and burn, and social outcasts step out into the limelight. But I do not wish to keep on blogging a bonfire about the fallen heroes and heroines.

I believe that I've made my point with this blog, which is that our society has manufactured "mentors" for us. "Mentors" represent ideals that each of us supposedly can never reach. No matter who we are, our society has created a symbol of perfection for us that we can never attain.

Isn't it time to vandalise the social order? It's not working for us. Is now a good time to take a sledgehammer to the wall of falsehoods that have separated us from ourselves?

This is not necessarily me giving up blogging. After my last two-year break, I came back feistier than when I first started. Will I come back? And why?

I realised that I needed a shift_ in_my_perception. I got that, and now I'm using it as a tool for mapping a different version of my life. Life as if...

Closing doors is something I've always been too good at doing. This time, I'm opening the door. The posts archived on this blog represent the process of my perception shift.

Blessings, peace and love be unto everyone.

Too late for antifreeze, Jesu

Alright...it's 2006. Tonight I stood dazed in my living room, shivering from the cold. Around my feet were chunks of ice that I tracked from the front door, and which were also falling off my trousers.

I channel-hopped for a few seconds and cursed at the fact that there was nothing on telly. Out of nowhere, the notion that "the world is still spinning", popped into my head. I acknowledged the thought with a mixture of nonchalance and trepidation. I decided that music would be a better choice. I went with the power of Snap!, and muted the TV so the Berlin Philarmonic Orchestra looked like they were playing "Rhythm is a Dancer".

I'm rambling. Hypothermia + Antihistamines do that.

To my recollection, this is the first year that I didn't prepare a set of resolutions. When I left university, I had mapped my entire life up until the time I would turn 26. Somehow, I expected (or vaguely hoped) that the universe would implode on itself after I'd worked through my "list of things to do before I turn 30".

When I was going to church an eternity ago, they promised that the world was going to end soon. The plan didn't work, so I made some new wishes. Those came true. This was too easy.

The universe still hasn't imploded, and I'm in quite a pickle.

Care Less

The year 2005 has drawn to a close. I'd love to do a year in review, but I'm relaxing, and taking a break from what has been a very distracting hobby in 2005.

To ring in the New Year, I travelled half-way around the world to attend one of the largest street parties on the planet. Alone. As usual.

I'm not running out of posts...I'm just in an extended ragdoll pose, and getting out of my head for a while. I'm happy to report that nothing has happened. I have not got into trouble, have not had an adventure, and I haven't attended any of the usual parties.

In unrelated news, I saw L two days ago, as I was walking back to my hotel. He gave me the double-, triple-, fourth-, fifth-, and sixth-take as I sauntered past him.

I stared right at him as he stopped in his tracks. My eyes were obscured by sunglasses so he wasn't sure if it was really me. (All black women look alike, right?). We're not on speaking terms, so there is no way for him to know that I would be visiting his neck of the woods again. Whatever.

L is the man who deluded himself that we were having an affair, and then tried to blame it on me when his partner found out.

Happy New Year, everyone.

P.S. My deepest thanks to MadBull for comparing me to two of my role models: Dr. Carolyn Cooper (yes, she's sexy) and Wilmott Perkins. I would like to add quickly that I am nowhere near the calibre of these two remarkable people.