A woman with no personality
This rant is about a person I know, who embodies the very soul of the Jamaican middle-class.
She has no personality. That is, she has no defined concept of herself. As a consequence, she has no values, no principles. She is a clean slate. It sounds like a harsh statement to make about someone I care about, but I am amazed that it is actually possible for someone to be completely devoid of a sense of identity.
Instance 1
This girl is listening to a group of crass Jamaicans criticise me for being "stuck up" . She listens, and nods, and smiles as they say mean things about me. At the top of their lungs, much to the amusement of everyone in earshot. No one at this point is on my side, or even tries to understand my point of view.
Instance 2
We are having dinner with a male friend, who is desperately trying (and dismally failing) to enter the upper echelons of Jamaican society. He tells me that I do not know how to tell when a man is playing me, and she pipes in with, "yes, Shaggy's girl has a split personality". And goes on to pontificate. Anyway, my aristocrat-wannabe male friend says, I only use a limited set of criteria for separating the sheep from the goats so I can get played easily. Two days earlier, he made a rather juvenile attempt to signal his desire to have sexual intercourse with me. I asked him to stop. Which self-respecting woman sleeps with a man who puts her down in public?.
Instance 3
Consistently, she makes dramatic changes in her tone, facial expression and body language when a good-looking male walks within 2 m of where she is standing. Even if she is in mid-sentence. It happens without fail. It has no effect of course, and she's completely oblivious to the fact that it is actually ridiculous.
Instance 4
It is extremely difficult to have a proper conversation with her, without tracking back and explaining everything in detail. Then, she still doesn't get it, and asks lots and lots of questions that cannot be answered.
Instance 5
In her early 30's, she claims to be a virgin, in the same way that most Jamaican middle class girls do. (I know she is not telling the truth because I met her ex-boyfriend by accident). They deny they've ever been in a relationship and then deny they've ever had sexual intercourse. Why? They're not married, and sex would make them "bad girls" who are "loose" and "nasty". Of course that doesn't stop them from fawning over males to get attention.
For the record, girls who say they're virgins have more sex than self-confessed harlots like Shaggy's girl.
My friend has a good heart but without a concrete sense of self, and her place in the world, she cannot have values, principles, or even dreams. This is more crucial if one lives in exile, as she does.
How can she understand that Shaggy's girl is a cultivated young woman who was being viciously attacked by Jamaican vultures, who have no personal pride, sense of shame, and who were plain envious? How can she understand that the aristocrat wannabe in the restaurant was angry with me because I refused to sleep with him? How will she know when people are trying to befriend her, as opposed to attacking the very foundation of her self?
Without values to uphold or principles to defend, she is just a mindless consumer.
I explained these things to her, but she still didn't get it.
She has no personality. That is, she has no defined concept of herself. As a consequence, she has no values, no principles. She is a clean slate. It sounds like a harsh statement to make about someone I care about, but I am amazed that it is actually possible for someone to be completely devoid of a sense of identity.
Instance 1
This girl is listening to a group of crass Jamaicans criticise me for being "stuck up" . She listens, and nods, and smiles as they say mean things about me. At the top of their lungs, much to the amusement of everyone in earshot. No one at this point is on my side, or even tries to understand my point of view.
Instance 2
We are having dinner with a male friend, who is desperately trying (and dismally failing) to enter the upper echelons of Jamaican society. He tells me that I do not know how to tell when a man is playing me, and she pipes in with, "yes, Shaggy's girl has a split personality". And goes on to pontificate. Anyway, my aristocrat-wannabe male friend says, I only use a limited set of criteria for separating the sheep from the goats so I can get played easily. Two days earlier, he made a rather juvenile attempt to signal his desire to have sexual intercourse with me. I asked him to stop. Which self-respecting woman sleeps with a man who puts her down in public?.
Instance 3
Consistently, she makes dramatic changes in her tone, facial expression and body language when a good-looking male walks within 2 m of where she is standing. Even if she is in mid-sentence. It happens without fail. It has no effect of course, and she's completely oblivious to the fact that it is actually ridiculous.
Instance 4
It is extremely difficult to have a proper conversation with her, without tracking back and explaining everything in detail. Then, she still doesn't get it, and asks lots and lots of questions that cannot be answered.
Instance 5
In her early 30's, she claims to be a virgin, in the same way that most Jamaican middle class girls do. (I know she is not telling the truth because I met her ex-boyfriend by accident). They deny they've ever been in a relationship and then deny they've ever had sexual intercourse. Why? They're not married, and sex would make them "bad girls" who are "loose" and "nasty". Of course that doesn't stop them from fawning over males to get attention.
For the record, girls who say they're virgins have more sex than self-confessed harlots like Shaggy's girl.
My friend has a good heart but without a concrete sense of self, and her place in the world, she cannot have values, principles, or even dreams. This is more crucial if one lives in exile, as she does.
How can she understand that Shaggy's girl is a cultivated young woman who was being viciously attacked by Jamaican vultures, who have no personal pride, sense of shame, and who were plain envious? How can she understand that the aristocrat wannabe in the restaurant was angry with me because I refused to sleep with him? How will she know when people are trying to befriend her, as opposed to attacking the very foundation of her self?
Without values to uphold or principles to defend, she is just a mindless consumer.
I explained these things to her, but she still didn't get it.
Blogged by Shaggy's girl at 18:09
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