Generation Next Week
So, it's been a week since I wrote about my attempt at reviving the past.
I managed to catch up with an old acquaintance, but nothing has really changed.
People are just people, and I guess it's not natural to engage with anyone or anything that is not right in front of you. All the Jamaican friends I've had managed to drop off the radar because they couldn't write/e-mail/telephone consistently. I guess it's easier to focus on what's right in front of you. I miss them a lot, and I wish that we had kept in closer contact, but that's just the way it is.
It took my own guardian 3 years before she even wrote me a letter, and another year to write an e-mail.
I became a former Jamaican because I wanted to be forgotten as the person I was when I left home. I wanted to start afresh and build a new history, new achievements (conquests). Thing is, if I do return, people will only remember the last thing I did before I left, and that may or may not be a good thing.
The last thing I remember doing before I left Jamaica was having sex with five of my ex-boyfriends. That's okay, because it was more of a private thing. But what about other people--my former classmates, people I went to church with, people I had crushes on, people I compromised my values with? My first boyfriend (yuck!!). That would be a complete scandal by itself.
Imagine someone remarking on how mature I've become and thinking that's funny. Like, isn't that what's supposed to happen when you've lived on your own for a decade?
I'm still undecided about whether I should satisfy my curiousity with a visit. I mean last week's phonecall revealed an old crush, but this guy has moved on with his life, has a girlfriend, and may be about to start a family.
I promise I won't do anything ridiculous like that again.
I managed to catch up with an old acquaintance, but nothing has really changed.
People are just people, and I guess it's not natural to engage with anyone or anything that is not right in front of you. All the Jamaican friends I've had managed to drop off the radar because they couldn't write/e-mail/telephone consistently. I guess it's easier to focus on what's right in front of you. I miss them a lot, and I wish that we had kept in closer contact, but that's just the way it is.
It took my own guardian 3 years before she even wrote me a letter, and another year to write an e-mail.
I became a former Jamaican because I wanted to be forgotten as the person I was when I left home. I wanted to start afresh and build a new history, new achievements (conquests). Thing is, if I do return, people will only remember the last thing I did before I left, and that may or may not be a good thing.
The last thing I remember doing before I left Jamaica was having sex with five of my ex-boyfriends. That's okay, because it was more of a private thing. But what about other people--my former classmates, people I went to church with, people I had crushes on, people I compromised my values with? My first boyfriend (yuck!!). That would be a complete scandal by itself.
Imagine someone remarking on how mature I've become and thinking that's funny. Like, isn't that what's supposed to happen when you've lived on your own for a decade?
I'm still undecided about whether I should satisfy my curiousity with a visit. I mean last week's phonecall revealed an old crush, but this guy has moved on with his life, has a girlfriend, and may be about to start a family.
I promise I won't do anything ridiculous like that again.
Blogged by Shaggy's girl at 10:07
1 Comments:
You touch on some serious things here. I always wonder why I feel like crying in joy and gratitude when I look out the airplane window and see Jamaica. Or why I read the Observer online every day and get upset by yet another meaningless photo of two politicians shaking hands. I love so much of the country, and hate so much else. Dammit.
Write it, because even when I disagree with what you're saying, some of the time, you strike a serious cord at others.
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